Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
