We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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