he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
