i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
