My friends, they love my intelligence
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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