I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
