I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
