I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
