No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
