My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bring me that man meat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
