he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
