Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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