I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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