i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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