Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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