chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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