you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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