Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
