so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
