Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
