I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
