I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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