I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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