my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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