your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
is that a dick in a sweater?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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