There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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