We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
