so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
