I just pynch a tree in the face
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
