My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
