I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
