Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
