tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
