Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
