Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
