It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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