dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
