chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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