I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
