never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
soo... how was my night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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