I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
