You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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