i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
