There was a lot of him and a little penis
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
