need another drink. this is the easiest way
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
