i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
