They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
