Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
