I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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