do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
