if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
