What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you win again, gameday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
