is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
