I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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