Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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