What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
