I wish I only lived at night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
