if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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