my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
