but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
