Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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