I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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