i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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