I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
