3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
