you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
