I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
