If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize