The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
