What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we're making bets on your personal life
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
