This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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